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Fred Nile (for just a moment) [Dec. 30th, 2008|04:48 pm]
Bob Bain
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

LiveNews - Topless bathers: A disgusting outrage

Jesse Perez

FROM THE DESK OF THOMAS F. FRONTBOTTOM, CERTIFIED WOWSER:

As I cast my eye across the day’s news selection, I happened to notice that the lily livered, so-called-conservative, The Reverend Fred Nile, has put together a plan to ban topless bathing.

Well I say that’s not far enough!

For eons I have been disgusted not only by the bare bosoms, buttocks and bellies of wonton harlots disgracing the pure sands of mother Australia’s glorious beaches, but also the outrageous display of elbows, shins, foreheads and kneecaps that surface on our shores too often than not.

The simple fact is that the naked body, and any piece of exposed, unbaptized flesh, is a shameful, revolting thing, and should be hidden from view at all times.

Our good Lord did not design our bodies to be exposed – that is why he gave us Lowes, and Lowes Ladies; giving us a wonderful selection of colourful and affordable garments to completely cover our filth ridden hang parts and our turgid, repulsive holes of sin.








Perez continues...

Jesus did not die on the cross for you to schlep out your sinful sweater puppy and shove it in the gob of your tot. He sacrificed his life so we could see the flourishing of socially conscious companies such as Nestlé, which provide a brilliant range of feed-substitutes, staving off your bosom, and averting the impending smiting from our lord.

Milky mothers hang your heads in shame!

So, I say this to you, Mr “woosy-bags” Nile – pull your finger out, get tough on the flapjack criminals, and stamp out the boobs!

Then, when you are done with that task, follow through, you limp-wristed lizard, and get cracking onto the rest of the layabouts – cover them up in Jenny Kee jumpers, Acubras, and sensible RM Williams slacks and shoes.


However late this afternoon - from the Sydney Morning Herald

NSW Police Commissioner Andrew Scipione said the issue was not on his radar or in the domain of police.

"The last time I looked we don't have the moral laws or the fun laws under our jurisdiction but certainly it's not an issue I've even given much thought to," Mr Scipione told reporters in Sydney.


Fun laws ? What's the man talking about ?
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